No If Then
Author Portia Nelson shares:
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
There are large percentages of people who can’t seem to see “passed their nose.” That is, they do not consider what their words and actions do to others in their lives.
They don’t consider “IF I do or say __________ THEN _________ might happen.”
There is not “if, then” thinking. They do not understand “cause and effect.” That is, “the relationship between two events or situations, where one of the two is the cause of the other.”
The wise consider that everything they say and do impacts people in their lives. The foolish, however, do not consider the people in their lives when they speak or do certain things that impact others for a very long time.
“IF, THEN” thinking is intentional. It is the way smarter people live every day. It is a habit that can be learned and developed.
As an example, when two very frustrated people are in a confined space there are three choices that can be made:
Allow the frustration to be spoken, in anger, and cause an emotional explosion that will leave collateral damage that will be felt for years.
One of the two people leave the area for the purposes to “cool off” and think through the cause of the frustration, was it intentional, the reaction to the words or actions of another, and if the cause of the frustration should be discussed at a later date if the other person is able to comprehend the impact of their words or actions.
“Let it go” because it’s unlikely that the other person would consider their words and actions and how it negatively impacts other people around them.
Actor Morgan Freeman once said: “some of the best advice I have ever been given is “don’t take criticism from people you would never go to for advice.”
Being aware of our words and actions should be an intentional consideration as we “don’t live on an island all alone.” Most of us live, and work with, other humans with feelings, thoughts, beliefs, regrets, anger, frustration, love and hopes.
Watch what you say and do 24/7/365. Look around and see how those words and actions are about to impact others in a healthy or unhealthy way.
I Believe in YOU!
John W. Carver, LUTCF
john@johnwcarver.com